Artist Syndrome

Where's Your Head At?

Today I posted something on a forum, something that I did actually believe, but after the reactions, it made me think that maybe I was wrong in what I said and what I felt.
I realise that I am so full of self doubt that I have to almost second guess anything I say or do; I have also started to be very self aware to the point that I listen and pass judgement on what I am saying.

I know my mental health hasn't been 100% (not even 70%), but I do worry about it sometimes; if it was just 'depression' fair enough, I can deal with that, but it just seems that there's all this other 'bonus material' going on. I don't know whether it's the medication, depression, anxiety or is it just me as a person? It's frustrating, because I can't come to a conclusion as I doubt my answers and what I think!

I think the social isolation is a big factor in how I feel these days- I don't see anyone, make the odd comment virtually and speak to family on the phone-that's it, and I am concerned at the effect it is having or worryingly, the consequences that it could lead to. I could be more pro-active in socialising, but then the anxieties put a block on any ideas I have.

Memory

For a while I seem to be having 'flashbacks' just as I'm about to drift off to sleep. I'm not talking about some traumatic childhood experience, just vivid memory flashes of streets, objects or situations from the past- mundane objects like for example, a rusted mesh grill over a landing window, and the sun shining through it; I've also been remembering parts of dreams that I've had several years back.
It is a strange sensation, as I usually have a bit of a start, like a sudden realisation of something, then it's gone. I find it interesting because of how the mind is capable of storing all these things that we've encountered in life, and that it is possible we could remember every minutiae.

The Persistence of Memory, Salvador Dali 1931